A Letter to My Past Self

A Letter to My Past Self

Tonight, I stupidly scrolled aimlessly through endless reels, with no purpose other than trying to wind down after a massive work week. Twenty minutes later, my mind pulled me somewhere entirely unexpected—a corner of my childhood I hadn’t visited in years.

Jolting out of my scrolling trance, I grabbed my pencil and bedside journal. I began writing, letting the memories spill onto paper before my mind could tuck them back into the black box I keep deep in my heart.

I don’t usually bring that box to the surface. Many things inside it are too raw to face, no matter how much I think I’m ready. And yet, these memories came uninvited, slipping through the cracks of my consciousness.

I let the emotions wash over me, untangling each one carefully but without judgment. I analyzed them almost as if they didn’t belong to me—as if I were a stranger reading someone else’s story.

It was uncomfortable, yes. Vulnerable. Exposing. But it was also freeing.

I realized that the memories in my black box are not meant to hold me hostage. They are pieces of a journey that shaped me, moments I needed to survive rather than dwell on endlessly. By acknowledging them, I could release them. Free them. Free myself.

So I wrote a letter to my past self.

If I could write to you now, I would say this:

I see you. Even the scared, confused, chaotic parts of you that you tried to hide.

I forgive you for the mistakes, the self-doubt, the nights of loneliness you endured.

You are not broken. You are learning, growing, surviving—and one day, all the chaos you feel will become part of your strength.

The chaotic mind that frustrates you now? That restless, racing, overthinking mind? It will carry you forward. It will let you feel deeply, create boldly, and connect with others in ways no one else can.

Pulling these memories from the depths, facing them head-on, reminded me that growth doesn’t always come from control. Sometimes it comes from surrender.

Surrendering to the emotions

Surrendering to the chaos

Surrendering to the reality of the past

Only then can we step forward lighter, wiser, and more compassionate with ourselves.

To Anyone Reading This

If your mind pulls you back to memories you thought were long buried, don’t run. Don’t hide. Sit with them. Let the emotions flow, examine them as gently as you can, and then let them go.

Your past doesn’t define you—it shapes you. And your chaotic mind, though messy, is the tool that will help you untangle, understand, and ultimately thrive.